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Category Archives: English Articles

How to spot manipulation? – My article in Complete Wellbeing, March 2015 issue…

‘They know your weaknesses, they use them to have a control over you, while using them they exploit your emotions for their benefits and finally if they succeed to do so, they keep on exercising such tactics to manage you in their favour you might wonder whom I’m talking about?! Nope, I’m not talking about any microorganisms or malware, but I’m talking about even more harassing routine tactics practiced by some people. These tactics are popularly known as manipulation and through such approach individual’s intention is to exercise power or control over other individual. I’m not talking about mutual benefits or help in relationships but it is about one-sided benefits or exploitation. This is not as easy to make out as simple it is read, these manipulative tactics go unnoticed or hidden unless you become aware or sensitive about it.

Media, advertising industry, politicians, leaders, businessmen etc. use manipulations frequently and effectively for their benefits. This is understandable fact but what difficult to digest is, why someone manipulates in relationship?! Psyche behind manipulation is complex and deep-rooted. It varies from personality to socio-familial learning. Simple understanding is Individuals who cannot express their needs assertive takes shrewd route of manipulation. Whatever may be the psyche behind such manipulative behaviour but one thing is certain that it will always leave victim in a bad taste. If you don’t want to fall in such trap or get emotionally exploited by manipulators, you have to be aware about what tactics they use. Your awareness will help you to spot manipulation early and effectively so that you can handle such people.

Manipulators have lot many tactics in their bag and they use them deliberately or even unconsciously. They may keep changing them and some of them may be their favourite. Most commonly used technique is creating guilt in victim’s mind. Guilt can make anyone weak, if targeted smartly and usually one succumbs to it. (‘You should not do this to someone like me who loves you against all odds’, ‘this is what you return for love and care that I always showed for you?!’ ‘Being selfish is not good. You should also think about other person’s pain and suffering’). They may throw assumptions about your intentions, behavior, beliefs or choices to justify their emotions or actions.(‘I thought that you will never disagree to my proposal’ ‘I’m sure you will be very happy doing this’, many times it include statements using “suppose”, “guess”, “wish”, etc.). They may show fake concerns or sympathy, make empty apologies, offer bribe-favours or give gifts to manipulate. Complaining, lying, comparing, making excuses, rationalizing, denying, blaming etc. are also very commonly used for such deceptive or abusive tactics. Moreover they can be evasive and forgetful in their approach or dealings (‘there is no point discussing this. I hardly remember anything about what I said on that day’). Emotional blackmailing is something which they are master at. For such blackmailing they may use fury, bullying, threats, accusations, shame or guilt. (‘You have all right to be annoyed as I forgot to wish you on your birthday. I should have told you of personal emergency I had on that day but I never wanted to spoil your special day’, ‘I feel very sad that you guys, whom I loved so much refuse to understand my point of view’).  They may use love as a bargain tool (‘If you love me, you will not deny for sex’, ‘you cannot betray me if you love me’). They may become conveniently ignorant or innocent at times (‘I was not aware that it will take so long otherwise I would have not asked you to finish it today only’). They avoid promises, agreements or conversations to succeed in manipulating the victim. Sometimes they turn themselves into self-pity modes, portray helplessness, behave needy or act like a victim (I’m so unloved/sick/victimized…) One of the smart tactics is to make you agree on small thing, and then real game starts. Once you have agreed, it becomes difficult to say no and they enjoy controlling you through this trap (‘can I take five minutes of yours?’ and will end-up taking half an hour explaining insurance policy you should take from him). Many times flattery play tricks for them. They use their charm effectively to get what they want. They may guide you to do things in certain ways, ways beneficial to them. Being passive-aggressive is one more way to manipulate where one avoids direct confrontation but makes sure that their behavior leads to what they want or intend. In fact, anger or hostility expressed indirectly in non-confronting way and still for own benefits. Shrewd, isn’t it?! You can spot them seeing acting with different faces with different people and in different situations. Keeping your eyes open for their actions can also make many things clear to you. Finally, listen to yourself; listen to your gut-feeling; spotting such manipulation will become easier. I can go on charting and filling pages with many such ways; which can help you to spot manipulation. However, what concern us more than tactics used are indirect, deceptive, abusive or underhand motives behind them. Once you are aware of these methods, you can further think of not falling in to these traps and getting rid of such manipulations or manipulative people.

You have to understand that majority of manipulators thrives on your weaknesses and only spotting their manipulative tactics will not serve any purpose, it may make you feel more helpless. You have to work towards building your self-esteem and self-respect, which can prove your best defense. You have to exercise assertiveness in dealings with them and set boundaries to keep healthy distance. You should be aware of your rights and know when they are being dishonored or manipulated. You have to stand up for yourself and your rights unless it genuinely harms others. You do not have to feel guilty or blame yourself for not satisfying manipulator. When you have a doubt, do not afraid to ask exploratory question and see how genuine answers you get. If you find evasive explanations, accusations or counter arguments, you have to prepare yourself to tackle it effectively without shame or guilt. You have to learn to say ‘No’, may be firmly, assertively or tactfully and at times brutally too. Many people tolerate manipulations because they fear outcome but if you want to stop getting exploited, you have to be prepared for facing consequences. It may make you insecure initially but on long run it may help you to increase your self-esteem and self-respect as well.

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Posted by on March 30, 2015 in English Articles

 

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Learn to use both side of your brain…

After my article on Narendra Modi using both side of his brain, many readers have asked me to write on how to develop a skill of using both side of the brain?! Here I’m sharing some ideas which will help you to learn to use both sides of your brain effectively. You have to keep practicing to master this skill. All the best…

Theory of Lateralization:

Before we learn to use both side of brain, we need to understand Theory of Lateralization. TOL says our brain has two halves called right and left hemispheres. Both halves have different functions to offer and usually one is dominant over other. However, to use our brain most effectively and best of our advantage one has to learn to use them in close association and at times simultaneously.

Left brain v/s Right brain:

Left brain is verbal and logical, while right brain is visual and intuitive. Left brain dominant person is logical, analytical, objective, rational, and attentive as well as having strong reasoning. Command over language and speech, strategic planning, ability to use facts and figures etc. are their core abilities. On other hand, right brain dominant person is visual, imaginative, impulsive, intuitive, aesthetic and subjective thinker. Creativity, visualization, intuitiveness and multi-tasking are their core strengths.

Brain follows nature’s law ‘more you use it, the better it gets’. Hence left brain person keeps on strengthening left side and vice-versa. To me, it is almost obligatory that we can keep on using both side of the brain otherwise we will lose many vital qualities of our brain because brain also follows nature’s one more law ‘use it or lose it’. Keeping the fact in mind I’m sharing few tips to activate your unused side of brain so that you can use both side effectively.

If you are left brained person following tips will be useful for you:

Rather than being only logical, try to think intuitively or imaginatively. With facts and figures also try to consider your personal or gut feeling. You may find it illogical at times but still keep on looking through that angle.

Try to visualize and imagine information which your brain is getting, for example, if you are reading something; try to create mental images of the content or stop in between to visualize the information which you have read. Reading text with visualization is one of the most effective study tactics. Same strategy can be applied while listening to song, visualize lyrics.

Be innovative and think about alternatives, even if it sounds irrelevant with facts, for purpose of stimulation.

Engage yourself in hobbies requiring creativity like drawing, painting, writing, photography etc. Try to be as imaginative, innovative as possible.

Rather than being mechanical, try to be experimental in your routine.

If you are Right brained person following tips will be useful for you:

Regard less of your feeling; try to get into more details, facts and figures of any information.

To stimulate your logical thinking practice mathematics, learn or read statistics. Take puzzles, Sudoku, crosswords etc. Play games like chess, mobile logic games etc. Take reasoning and aptitude tests available online.

Be a planner; try to be a strategic in your approach. Develop habit to plan your routine and writing a diary.

Work with numbers and facts.

Concentrate on language, grammar and verbal skills. Listen and read speeches of good speakers. Never miss a chance to give talks or speeches.

Try to be vocal about your creativity and intuitiveness.

Balancing act:

Take any situation or problem, think about it as if you are right brained person for 10 minutes, think again about it as if you are left brained person for 10 minutes and finally think as if you are using both sides! It’s fun!!

 
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Posted by on May 26, 2014 in English Articles

 

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If women go looking, they will find a man much faster than a man would find a woman!

A husband and wife were having a very intriguing conversation. “You have to hear this news sweetheart. According to a medical survey if a man has women friends, he is less is likely to have heart attack”, the husband read out an article on medical study conducted by Oxford University in the newspaper sipping tea at the breakfast table.

“What nonsense, these doctors have nothing better to do these days. That is why they keep doing such frivolous surveys”, the wife replied back irritatingly.

“Oh no, this is no frivolous survey. It is a medical study conducted by senior doctors which is why it is published as international news in the newspapers. There has to be lot of credibility in this news that men need women friends to protect their heart”, the husband put forth an argument.

“Then find yourself girl-friends but remember I too can find men friends”, replied the wife acknowledging what the husband wanted to hint through reading her that particular piece of news.

This conversation would have led to a verbal dual and might have ended up in a fight but we do not want to get into the personal details. But let’s go a little deep into the study that the husband was discussing with such relish. Having women friends would protect a man’s heart from a heart-attack, does this mean women friends are an alternative to an impending angioplasty and bypass surgery in men?! If yes, then a wife is also a woman. I have no inkling what researchers have to say to this but I feel like mentioning another survey here: Men feel more relaxed in the company of women other than their wives. If one uses one’s common sense, the reason behind this is very easy to understand. Social and familial responsibilities are associated with wives and men have a natural aversion to responsibility. So any relationship that comes with commitment and responsibility feels burdensome or tension-inducing while they feel refreshed in company of women who do not come with the strings of responsibility attached to them! Second most important reason is that men hate nagging and the other woman does not really need to nag. No wonder, the man feels relaxed in her company. Penny on pound that if the other woman too starts nagging like a wife, the husband would scoot from her company as well!

There is lot of truth in a woman’s general retort to her husband or boyfriend, “If you can find a woman, I too can find a man easily”. In fact, a woman can find a man much more easily and fast as compared to a man looking for a woman. But such a relationship might not offer that coveted feeling of lightness and relaxation to her. This is because women have an inbuilt nature to assume responsibilities. Resultantly, every relationship for them is a responsibility. Women are more committed to each relationship as compared to men and so assume the responsibility associated with each association, especially if it involves love and commitment. But the same woman finds it unbearable if there is a decline in commitment or vacuum of emotions expressed by her partner. Then, the woman might not suffer a heart attack but it is a sure invitation for depression and mental strain.

Reflection

Men have an inherent capability to love many women at one point of time while women can love only one man at a time. Men feel relaxed in dividing their love, women feel tense in sharing their love.

Best Valentine Gift…

 
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Posted by on February 10, 2014 in English Articles

 

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Aside

Do not eat too much fast food. Fast foods are high in calories, fat, sugar and salt and may put people at risk for becoming overweight.

I’m sure, you will be thinking that what’s new in this? we all know this! New is, this is what recently McDonalds, the most leading fast food chain in the world today, has advised to his staff!! Indirectly company says make other people eat our fast food and do business for us but you stay away eating it.

One of my friend, working in Subway (Canada), has told me that she would not eat subway because even though company claims that they are baking their own bread, floor which they use is a frozen one!

There are many such hidden facts about food chains. If you are intelligent enough then this should renew your thinking about having fast food, frequently. I do not want to spoil your eating out saying you should not eat fast foods but you have to develop sensible approach, as it is delicious too 🙂

Ref. Link http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/12/24/mcdonalds-employee-site-advises-workers-to-avoid-eating-fast-food/

Do not eat too much fast food… Look who is advising this?! and to whom?!!

 
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Posted by on January 6, 2014 in English Articles

 

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sunny

 

Today I’m re-blogging my post written on 10th Aug. 2013! Reason is – Today Sunny Leone was again found the most searched celebrity on Google 🙂

She not only surpassed all top-guns, in fact left them far behind!! Reason we all know 🙂

Despite of her huge popularity on Google, her film ‘Jackpot’ failed!! Reason we all know 🙂

Enjoy this write-up, once agin…..

Click the link

https://hansalbhachech.wordpress.com/2013/08/10/sunny-leone-proved-me-right/

Sunny Leone tops Google celebrity search….

 
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Posted by on December 20, 2013 in English Articles

 

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‘Every favor has its cost’ or say ‘No meal is free’!!

I wrote this blog yesterday in Gujarati, my many English reading friends have asked me to write in English. Friends, here it is…

PLEASE NOTE: By no means I support what Tejpal did or neither I say that girl was taking favors. Sole purpose of writing this, is to throw light on human’s psyche and make women aware of certain circumstances. 

Tarun

‘Every favor has its cost’

We need to accept one common fact that there is always a hidden expectation of reward behind every favor we do to others. These rewards vary from simple act of appreciation or thankfulness to some help from them when we are in need or cash or kind etc. Such expectations depend on our personality, values, roots, relationships, the favor extended etc. These expectations may remain evident or hidden. They are expressed as per time, opportunity, intensity and response. Psychological researches have confirmed that in absence of such expected rewards, it is less likely that our favor will continue. Some of us may not like to agree with this naked fact of life, their ego would not allow them to accept and  of course, we may have some exceptions but almost negligible! If you honestly agree with these natural human tendencies for expecting rewards then further discussion will be interesting for you.

Whenever man favors woman, out of the way or beyond what she deserves, sexual reward remains amongst top expected rewards! These favors may include giving power, allocating positions, salaries beyond her capabilities, gifts and list goes on. Intensity and expression of desire of having sexual favor as a reward depend on man’s personality, his power, his position, type of the favor, woman’s personality, her competency, her need, her response or body language etc. Agree or not, this is naked truth and every mature woman should understand this. Moreover, she should pass this wisdom to her maturing daughters so that they can learn to remain alert about such possible exploitation under certain favors.

There are many women, who understand this fact but still they want to enjoy favors and allow men to take their reward to an extent. However, when some desired expectations fail to meet on either side, their association turns bitter. If any woman wants to understand, then the fact is simple. If you do not want to get sexually exploited then when you get the favor out of the way, ask yourself ‘am I deserving this?!’ If your conscience says ‘no’, stay away from taking that favor or be prepared for unwanted sexual demands or harassment. Whether he is IMF Chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn or Hollywood star Brad Pitt or Bollywood hero Shaini Ahuja, Shakti Kapoor or recent news maker Tarun Tejpal, all have sailed in the same sea. I do not support what they did but at the same time one has to think that what they did was not part of give and take, where women took undeserved favor and in return they got what they claimed harassment!

Possibly you may take this with pinch of salt but, as I understand, everyone understands this. ‘Every favor has its cost’ and ‘No meal is free’ if you cannot have this wisdom then God bless you!

 
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Posted by on December 2, 2013 in English Articles

 

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Aside

You will find this interesting 🙂

Out of innumerable statements made by celebrities, in public or media, very few make sense. Recently, I came across one of such statements; made by an American singer, songwriter and television personality Nicole Scherzinger. She said ‘Guys who think they’re hot are a turn-off’. Most of women agree with her and men will wonder ‘why?!’ This will be a shocker for men, particularly those who think themselves ‘hot’!

In fact, there is nothing to be shocked about. Women always yearn for faithful, trustworthy and sober guy. Men, who think that they are hot, do not fall in this frame. Such men, because they think they are hot, likely to involve in polygamy more easily. As such men are polygamous by nature and this thinking worsens their stand on faithfulness. For women, trust and faithfulness is ‘turn on’, while these men fail to create such feelings in their mind, naturally women feel insecure with them and they are ‘turn off’ for them!!
Mind well, I’m not saying that these men are not trustworthy but I have decoded the statement and psyche behind it 🙂

Guys who think they’re hot are actually a turn-off?!

 
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Posted by on November 20, 2013 in English Articles

 

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