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abad mirror 29th jan 14

When sex flies out of the bedroom

It’s no longer a moral issue. Excessive porn viewing is threatening real-life relationships

Teja Lele Desai mirrorfeedback@timesgroup.com
TWEETS@_MumbaiMirror

Last week, Mirror sexpert Dr Mahinder Watsa received a query from a 30-year-old woman who had been married for two years. The couple enjoyed sex twice a week on an average, she wrote in her e-letter, but had noticed that her husband was secretly watching pornography on the Internet, and masturbating after. The timing of physical intimacy between the couple was linked to his new viewing habit. “We usually end up having sex after he watches porn,” she said. Over time, he began to avoid sex with her altogether, relying on porn entirely.
This reader isn’t alone.
Mumbai’s andrologists and relationship counsellors say the popularity of porn among men is beginning to change relationship dynamics in the real world, often leaving partners distressed. With this, Indian men join their global counterparts. An investigation by technology magazine Extreme Tech in 2012 revealed that almost 30 per cent of Internet traffic in the world is linked to porn. The search volume index for ‘porn’ doubled between 2010 and 2012, is Google Trends’ estimate.
THE MAN-WOMAN DIVIDE
Sex is a primal human need, and has little to do with gender. Visual sexual stimuli, also finds takers in both, men and women. But researchers, like Heather Rupp, Ph.D, say the presumption is that men respond more strongly to it. Pornographic magazines and videos directed at men are a multi-billion dollar industry while similar products directed towards women are difficult to find. It is estimated that of the 40 million adults who visit pornography websites annually, 72% are male while only 28% are female. “Men prefer novelty, while women are more interested in stable dynamics,” suggests Rupp.
A recent University of Arkansas study showed that a third of men use porn to ease boredom or stress; a fifth reach out to it when they are lonely.
The male neurological response to porn — faster heart rate, rising blood pressure, increased blood flow and an erection — is said to be stronger than the female’s. Some argue, it’s because the content ‘suits’ male sexual interests. Erotic clippings let them (visually) enjoy the casual sex several of them crave, without danger of infection or unwanted pregnancy. Clearly, porn solves a primal problem for men — it lets them enjoy commitment-free sex with multiple partners.
MATTER OF THE MIND, TOO
The trouble is, visual sexual stimuli is not associated with sexual health alone. It also has a bearing on mental well-being. Compulsive porn viewing can distort the viewer’s expectations of sex with real people, not to mention, control his life.
A Cambridge University study revealed that compulsive porn watchers show brain activity similar to that of alcoholics or drug addicts. Researchers found greater activity in an area of the brain called the ventral striatum, a reward centre involved in processing motivation and pleasure. So, just like an alcoholic’s brain lights up when he spots an ad for liquor, porn addicts are stimulated when they get their hands on yet another clip.
Interestingly, the activity, usually conducted in secrecy and all alone, can push a viewer towards loneliness. Excessive exposure heightens feelings of aloneness. Kevin B Skinner, author of Treating Pornography Addiction: The Essential Tools for Recovery, has, over 15 years, worked with hundreds of couples and individuals whose lives have been changed by pornography. His research links higher consumption with higher levels of depression. In Inside Porn Addiction, his blog, he says, “Regardless of relationship status, individuals who viewed porn daily were on the border of severe depression”.
Dr Samir Parikh, Director of Department of Mental Health and Behavioural Sciences at Fortis Healthcare, agrees. “Sometimes, porn is used as a crutch by those with inadequate social lives. And it’s a cycle. The more they view it, the more they are pushed towards social isolation. And, the interactive nature of modern-day porn makes it worse.”
RELATIONSHIP RISK
Dr Hansal Bhachech’s experience as consultant psychiatrist has proven that porn addicts tend to display difficulty with concentrating, boredom,shame and guilt, and may grow aggressive towards women. “Over time, it could reduce his interest in the actual act. He may grow more interested in virtual intimacy between porn stars and himself, putting his real-life relationship under strain,” he says.
The problem with porn, according to Bhachech, is simple: pornography is a lie. “It promotes falsehoods about men, women and human relationships. Camera techniques and digital manipulation create myths about our bodies, timing and vigour of the sexual act, and willingness to engage in sexual activity,” he says. Parikh is especially concerned about its effects on young minds. “Because the distinction between normal and perversion is blurred, it can influence belief systems,” he stresses.
THE GOOD SIDE
What’s important, argue sex therapists, is to realize that like with any indulgence, porn adopts a dangerous avatar when it turns into an obsession. Not every man who views it is addicted, or hostile to his partner.
In fact, there have been cases of couples having benefitted from it. Sex researcher Helen Fisher advises couples to treat it like a “hormone-booster” because it drives up dopamine levels, which drives up your testosterone.
A Norwegian study that involved 400 couples backs Fisher’s claim. When both partners used porn, they were happiest in the bedroom, it revealed. They were open about their fantasies, and reported least sexual dysfunction.
“It’s not always destructive,” says consultant psychiatrist Dr Deval Desai. “It can be a source of excitement and satisfaction, people wouldn’t otherwise experience.”
Dr Rajan Bhonsle, Honorary Professor and HOD, Department of Sexual Medicine at KEM Hospital and GS Medical College, has been counselling couples for 30 years, and decries claims that pornography is “harmless”.
“Pornogr-aphy is often viewed in secret, which creates deception within marriage. I often hear experts suggest that to fire up libido in a dull marriage, turn to fantasy. This might be a temporary solution, but as you become dependent on outside stimulation, your natural ability to get turned on by your partner fades. It’s not uncommon for partners to opt for legal separation in some cases,” he says.
Divorce lawyer Mrunalini Deshmukh says she has received cases where porn has led to the breakdown of marriages. Watching porn in the privacy of your home, isn’t illegal, she clarifies; production and distribution of pornographic material is. “In most cases, addiction to porn has only one result — a relationship that’s fractured.”
THE SIGNS
Unprotected sex Unemotional sexual interactions Unsatisfied sex drive despite multiple sexual encounters Risky sex with multiple partners Risk-taking/compulsive behaviour Excessive guilt Absence of inner peace Isolation from family and friends

THE MAKING OF A PORN ADDICT
EXPOSURE:
Introduction to porn
ADDICTION:
Watching porn provides powerful sexual stimulation
ESCALATION:
Sharp increase in viewing, more explicit and deviant exposure
DESENSITISATION:
Diminished emotional responsiveness
ACTING OUT:
Desire to act out, either with partner or often elsewhere
Pornography is a lie. Camera techniques and digital manipulation create myths about our bodies, timing and vigour of the sexual act 
— Dr Hansal Bhachech
More reading on Pornography…

When sex flies out of the bedroom… My interview in Mumbai Mirror 28.1.13, Ahmedabad Mirror 29.1.14

 
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Posted by on January 28, 2014 in Interviews

 

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Jai Ho Review…

Jai Ho

If Arbaz Khan would have made this movie, he would have named it ‘Dabang-3’… If Rajkumar Hirani would have made it, ‘third part of Munnabhai’… But Sohail khan crossbreed ‘Dabang’ and ‘Munnabhai’, result is ‘Jai Ho’… Dhishooom…

Best film Sohail Khan has directed so far, where he crossbreed direction style of Arbaz Khan and Rohit Shetty… Dhishooom…

Nothing is new except Daisy Shah, Same plot… Same Salman… Same Dhishooom Dhishooom… and most important Same Salman’s fan as an audience!! Visuals are colourful with good camera work. Songs are ok and music is subdued by sound-effects… Dhishooom..

Nothing much to mention about performances, naturally its Salman all the way… Dhishooom… Many veterans have got an employement here.. Nadira Babbar, Tabbu, Denny, Samir Khkhar, Sunil Shetty etc.

Sidhi baat, no bakvaas:

Typical Salman masala flick… Too much of Dhishooom Dhishooom Dhishooom… If you like him, you will like the movie 🙂

It will give ventilation to your inner frustrations against politicians and system because while watching fights you will also feel that one Dhishooom from you….

Movie Wisdom:

Who watch Salman’s movie for wisdom?!! Dhishooom…. but still you can learn few wise things, if you wish…

  1. You cannot change the system unless you change people’s mindset but more importantly, you cannot change people’s mindset unless you change your own and practice it. Remember?! Mahatma Gandhi did the same.
  2. Power stimulate only one thought process in the mind i.e. How to retain your power?  All your decisions, strategies, moves etc will be dominated by this only thought. (So I strongly believe that power should have an expiry period of 10 years. After 10 years no one can be in power of any capacity. However, if you need their visionary wisdom then they can be used as an adviser!)

Disclaimer :  🙂

I’m not a paid or commercial movie critic. This share is to help like-minded friends for spending their money and time effectively 🙂

 
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Posted by on January 25, 2014 in Reviews and Movie Wisdom

 

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How romantic books and movies affect your relationships? How helpful is self-help books in your relationship issues? Whose advise one should follow in relationship problems?!

Read my interview in FEMINA, 9th Jan 2014

Don’t take it too seriously, love!

Relationships can be tricky and dealing successfully with all the ups and downs in it isn’t easy. And most of us have one or two back up people whom we reach out to help us solve any relationship dilemma or to give us a different perspective about things. But what happens when the advice thus gathered or notions cherished create more confusion and chaos leaving you feeling more messed up than what you were. We get you seemingly easy to turn to and hold on to sources of notions and how depending on them can sometimes create more chaos.

Romantic books and movies: Most women would admit to their favourite romantic scenario being inspired from an age old romantic book that they read as teens or having watched some movie which has left a deep impact on them. Sanjana Jha, a 24 year old working executive says, “I was a huge M&B fan when I was a teen and can’t seem to get over the fact that the love of my life would be this swashbuckling knight in shinning Ferrari who would sweep me off my feet with romantic holidays and a huge solitaire.  “Yes, I know that sounds to good to be true ever but no matter how hard I try I keep looking for a guy like that and no one that I have come across till now fits the bill. But I don’t want to give up this notion for more realistic standards just yet and that is the reason I have already refused to proposals that my parents found for me.”

Expert says: Dr Hansal Bhachech, consultant psychiatrist and author of relationship books says, “Novels are product of emotional fantasies and wishful thinking. Narrations are made to give emotional roller-coaster ride to the reader. Women read novels in vast majority as compare to men because they love to have emotional fantasies. I come across many women readers in my practice, who rather than enjoying the read for time pass, start taking it more seriously. In such cases they end up raising their expectations in relationship. These dreamy expectations put their relationship on high emotional demands which usually they fail to get. They end up having small tiffs to major differences. Finally, they found themselves unhappy and dissatisfied in relationship while actually partner may not be that bad!”
Self help/relationship books While most self help and relationship books can give a deep insight into how relationships need to be and what you need to do to bask in the happy glow of a perfect relationship, some of them do go over top in advice you to lead your life a certain way. Also it does well to read most of these books with a pinch of salt and not go about believing and struggling to incorporate all things said into your everyday life. After like they say no two things or situations are the same. Aarti Shah, a 26 year old has read the famous Men are from Mars and Women from Venus, plenty of times and has loved various aspects about it. However, as she says, “There are few things that I would ignore rather than believe. For one, the stereotypes that the book creates about men being good with maps and directions and that women, are not. In my case I can read maps better and have a better sense of direction than my husband. Some how I feel popularizing such stereotypes tends to create more problems than anything.”

Expert says: Dr Bhachech feels that while good books written by well known professionals can help people transform lives, it is very important that the one who is reading understands the concept and thought well before trying to implement it in their life. “When reader tends to follow the book totally, s/he is likely to become very rigid and theoretical in her/his approach. This can be worsening rather than helping. Sometimes, when they fail to follow, it may create guilt and frustrations too in a relationship,” says Dr Bhachech.

Friends’ advice:It is easiest after all to turn to you BFF for some advice, after all she has known you for ages and has seen and been around to see you deal with your heartbreaks and crushes. But like 32 year old Meena Sharma experienced, sometimes best friends don’t necessarily end up giving you the right kind of advice. “I was having major problems with my husband and in-laws and somehow things were just getting from bad to worse. I turned to Rakhi to help advice me on what to do. Now, Rakhi never liked Vivek. It was never a problem with me before as they rarely crossed paths. But when I turned to her for help, she started off telling how I was all wrong to get married to him in the first place and then how all the subsequent decisions that we had taken as a couple were wrong and kept bombarding me with so many negative things that I started believing everything she said. I had almost made up my mind to leave Vivek when my parents intervened and my mom gave me some patient and positive hearing. Now, after two years, we have resolved our problems but I some how can’t come to discuss any such issues with Rakhi again.”

Expert says: Dr Bhachech feels that one has to be cent percent sure of the person to whom one is turning to for advice for your personal relationships. “It is very important that the friend that you turn to is wise, positive in his approach and clear in his/her advise. Also it is very important that they give you a sound advice and have done so in the past too. Those friends who are going through emotional issues and dealing with their own set of problems may not be the right people to turn to as their opinions may be clouded with their own notions of what is right and what is wrong or would be based on how they feel right then. A bad or a wrong advice from a friend can do more harm than good in the long run.”

Link of an original article…

http://femina.in/love-sex/expert-advice/dont-take-it-too-seriously-love-2096.html

 
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Posted by on January 22, 2014 in Interviews

 

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આપણી આજુબાજુ ઘણી વ્યક્તિઓની ‘ન્યુસન્સ વેલ્યુ’ હોય છે, જેના થકી તે ઉપદ્રવ મચાવતા જ રહે અને આપણે માનસિક રીતે અશાંત રહીએ છીએ !

આ બુધવારે ગુજરાત સમાચારમાં મારી ‘માનસ’ કોલમમાં પ્રકાશિત થયેલો લેખ, ઘણાં વાચકોએ અહીં પોસ્ટ કરવા વિનતી કરી’તી તો મિત્રો આપની ઈચ્છાને સપ્રેમ…..

આપણી આજુબાજુ ઘણી વ્યક્તિઓની ‘ન્યુસન્સ વેલ્યુ’  હોય છે, જેના થકી તે ઉપદ્રવ મચાવતા જ રહે અને આપણે માનસિક રીતે અશાંત રહીએ છીએ !

બુધાલાલ એમના મિત્રની સાથે જઈ રહ્યા’તા. ટ્રાફિક સિગ્નલ ઉપર કાર રોકાતા જ એક ચીતરી ચઢે એવા ભિખારીએ કાચ ઉપર ટકોરા મારીને ભીખ માંગી. બુધાલાલે તરત જ કાચ ઉતારીને ભિખારીને રૂપિયાનો સિક્કો પકડાવી દીધો અને ભિખારી ચાલતો થયો. બુધાલાલ પાછા આરામથી રેડીયો પર વાગતું ગીત ગણગણવા માંડ્યા.

‘યાર તું બહુ દિલદાર છે, હું તો આવા ભિખારીઓને એક પૈસો ના આપું. થોડીવાર ટક ટક કરીને ચાલવા માંડે’ મિત્રએ બુધાલાલની સામે જોતા કહ્યું.

બુધાલાલ થોડા ટટ્ટાર થતા બોલ્યા ‘દોસ્ત દિલદારી ગઈ તેલ લેવા, મારું ચાલેને તો આ લોકોને શહેરની તડીપાર કરી દઉં’

‘તો પછી તે ફટ દઈને રૂપિયો શેનો પકડાવી દીધો?!’

‘રૂપિયો તો મેં મારા મનની શાંતિ માટે આપ્યો છે. મેં કશું ના આપ્યું હોત તો ત્યાં સુધી એ મારા માથે ટક ટક કરત અને ચિત્ર-વિચિત્ર મોઢા બનાવત. મને આ બધી બાબતોથી અકળામણ થતી હોય છે અને મારો મૂડ બગડે એ પહેલા રૂપિયો આપીને મેં એનાથી છુટકારો મેળવ્યો’ બુધાલાલ પાછા આરામથી રેડીયો પર વાગતું ગીત ગણગણવા માંડ્યા.

*****

વાત સાચી છે, મોટાભાગના લોકો ભીખ મદદ કરવાના આશયથી નહીં પણ છુટકારો મેળવવાના હેતુથી આપતા હોય છે. આ વાત ભીખારીઓ પણ જાણે છે અને માટે જ તે તમને એમની હરકતો, વાક્યો, બોલવાના ઢંગ, દેખાવ વગેરે થકી શક્ય તેટલા વધારે અકળાવે જેથી એમને ભીખ મળવાની શક્યતા વધી જાય. મઝાની વાત એ છે કે દરેક ભિખારીની એક ‘ન્યુસન્સ વેલ્યુ’ હોય છે જેના આધારે તેમને ભીખ મળે છે પરંતુ આ વેલ્યુ તેમના ઉપદ્રવ ઉપર નહીં પણ તમારી અકળામણ પર આધારિત હોય છે!

હવે શાંતિથી વિચારો તો તમને થશે કે આમાં કંઈ નવું નથી, આપણા જીવનમાં અને આપણી આજુબાજુ પણ આવા કેટલાય વ્યક્તિઓ છે કે જેમની આવી ‘ન્યુસન્સ વેલ્યુ’ છે. જેમ ટ્રાફિક સિગ્નલ પર ફરજીયાત ઉભા રહેવું પડે અને ભિખારીઓનો સામનો કરવો જ પડે તેમ જીવનમાં આવી વ્યક્તિઓનો પણ તમારે વિવિધ કારણોસર સામનો કરવો પડે છે. આ વ્યક્તિઓની વાણી, વર્તન કે વ્યવહાર જ એવા હોય છે કે જે તમારા જીવનમાં વિચારો અને લાગણીઓ થકી ઉપદ્રવ મચાવતા જ રહે, તમે માનસિક રીતે અશાંત રહો ! જો આ વ્યક્તિઓ એક ટ્રાફિક સિગ્નલ ઉપર ઉભેલા ભિખારીની જેમ ક્ષણિક ઉપદ્રવ મચાવતા હોત’તો ‘રૂપિયો’ આપીને છુટકારો પણ મેળવી શકાત પરંતુ મોટાભાગના કિસ્સાઓમાં આ વ્યક્તિઓ કો’કની કો’ક રીતે આપણી સાથે જોડાયેલા હોય ત્યારે આટલો આસાનીથી છુટકારો મેળવવો શક્ય નથી હોતો. પરિણામે, આપણે સહન કરીએ તો પણ અને અવગણીએ તો પણ માનસિક અશાંતિ તો અનુભવવી પડે! આવી વ્યક્તિઓ તમને અંદરખાને ઉદ્વેગમાં રાખે છે, તમે તણાવમાં રહો છો અને તમારું સ્વાસ્થ્ય જોખમાય છે. અસંખ્ય વ્યક્તિઓની લાગણીઓની સમસ્યાઓ, માનસિક બીમારીઓ(એન્ગઝાઈટી, ડીપ્રેશન, ફોબિયા, માથાનો દુખાવો વગેરે) કે મનો-શારીરિક બીમારીઓ(હૃદય રોગ, હાઈ બ્લડપ્રેશર, ડાયાબીટીશ વગેરે માનસિક તણાવ સાથે સીધી કે આડકતરી રીતે સંકળાયેલી બીમારીઓ) પાછળ આવા ઉપદ્રવો સીધી કે આડકતરી રીતે સંકળાયેલા રહે છે. અલબત્ત, બીમારીઓ પાછળ એકસાથે સંકળાયેલી ઘણી બાબતો જવાબદાર હોય છે પરંતુ માનસિક ઉચાટ કે અશાંતિ કોઈપણ બીમારી વકરવામાં, સારવારને યોગ્ય પ્રતિભાવ ના આપવામાં કે લંબાવામાં ખુબ અગત્યનો ભાગ ભજવે છે તે બ્રહ્મસત્ય છે.

તો શું કરવાનું, આવા ‘ન્યુસન્સ વેલ્યુ’વાળી વ્યક્તિઓને સહન કરવાના કે અવગણવાના?! આ વાતનો જવાબ પછી, પહેલા તો આત્મ-ચિંતન કરો કે તમે તો આવા નથી ને?! તમે તો કોઈ’ના જીવનમાં આવો ઉપદ્રવ નથી કરતા ને?! બહુ તટસ્થતા માંગી લે તેવી આ વાત છે, જો તમે આવા હોવ અને તે યોગ્ય છે એવું ઠસાવવા માટે તમારી પાસે એકસો એક કારણ હોય તો પણ તમારે ઉપદ્રવ મચાવતા વાણી, વર્તન કે વ્યવહારમાં પરિવર્તન લાવવું પડશે કારણ કે કોઈના’ય મનમાં કે જીવનમાં અશાંતિ ફેલાવીને તમે શાંતિ ના અનુભવી શકો એ પણ એવું જ બ્રહ્મસત્ય છે. ભૂતકાળમાં તમારાથી જાણતા-અજાણતા થયેલા કોઈપણ ઉપદ્રવો વિષે શાંતિથી આંખો બંધ કરી, ધ્યાન લગાવીને વિચારજો – મારી વાત સમજાઈ જશે.

જો તમારા જીવનમાં આવા ઉપદ્રવીઓ આવી જાય તો શું કરવાનું?! દુર રહી શકો તો એમની માનસિક રુગ્ણતા સ્વીકારીને તેમની સાથેના વ્યવહારોમાં અને તેમના વિચારોમાં શક્ય તેટલા, શક્ય ત્યારે દુર રહેવું. દુર રહી શકાય તેવું ના હોય (રોજનો પનારો પડ્યો હોય!) ત્યાં તમારી લાગણીઓને કાબુમાં રાખો. લાગણીઓથી તેમની જોડે તટસ્થ રહો તેમનો ઉપદ્રવ માત્ર બુદ્ધિથી મૂલવો. યાદ રાખો તેમની અશાંતિ ઉત્પન્ન કરવાની ક્ષમતા તેમના ઉપદ્રવ ઉપર નહીં પણ તમારી અકળામણ-અશાંતિ ઉપર આધારિત છે. જેટલા તમે વધુ વિચલિત થાવ, આક્રોશ અનુભવો કે પ્રતિક્રિયા આપો તેટલી તેમની ‘ન્યુસન્સ વેલ્યુ’ વધે છે! (દિગ્વિજયસિંહ જેવા અનેકની ‘ન્યુસન્સ વેલ્યુ’ને મોદીએ પ્રતિક્રિયાઓ ના આપીને તો ઓછી કરી દીધી છે!). આવી વ્યક્તિઓના કોઈપણ ઉપદ્રવી વ્યવહાર સામે પ્રતિક્રિયા આપવા કરતા પ્રતિભાવ આપો. તેમની સાથે બદલાની ભાવના રાખવા કરતા તમારી માનસિક શાંતિ ધ્યાનમાં રાખવાનો શક્ય તેટલો વધુ પ્રયત્ન કરો. ખબર છે કે આ લખું છું એટલું સરળ નથી પરંતુ આટલી સમજદારી પણ મનમાં હશે તો ક્યારેક વ્યવહારમાં પણ આવી જશે.

Best sellers from Dr.Hansal Bhachech

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2013 review of this blog… Thank you so much Friends…

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Nearly 35000 Visitors from 70 countries…

27000 views…

 

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 27,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 10 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

 
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Posted by on January 8, 2014 in Reviews and Movie Wisdom

 

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Interview in Times Of India 5th Jan 2014 on couple’s sex life…

LEFT WANTING

NOT NOW, HONEY!

Performance Anxiety And Lack Of Knowledge Rob Couples Of Conjugal Bliss: Experts

Radha Sharma | TNN

times of india jan 7 times of india jan 7th

When Rushali got married to Sandip Patel, it was the perfect partnership. Both were IT engineers, pursued high profile jobs and shared similar interests and values. The couple embarked on their honeymoon to Switzerland with stars in their eyes and romantic dreams thudding in their hearts. That was two years ago. Instead of the love train speeding into the conjugal tunnel, it just stood at the station. The couple recently landed at the clinic of a local sexologist looking for a solution for their Un-Consummated Marriage (UCM).
It may be difficult to believe that something called unconsummated marriage may exist in times of availability of 24×7 porn and sexual knowhow at the touch of a smartphone that is perceived to have pushed society into a sexual overdrive. Experts, however, say that nonconsummation indeed plagues a high number of marriages. Reasons vary from basic lack of knowledge, erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety and complex webs of emotions.
Sexologist Dr Paras Shah has studied 463 couples for UCM from 2010-2013. An study titled ‘Un-consummated Marriages: Prevalence and Reasons’ of 459 of such couples reveals that the major cause of non-consummation of marriage where the couple was not able to have intercourse after mar riages was premature ejaculation (60%), performance anxiety (45%), lack of knowledg e (30%), erectile dysfunction (22%), vaginusmus (10%) and faulty positions (10%).
“The period in which the couples were not able to consummate their marriage ranged from 15 days to over 3 years. Maximum 70% couples who consulted me were not able to enjoy conjugal relationship from six months to over a year”, said Dr Shah.
 Psychiatrist Dr Hansal Bhachech says that while it is a general belief that overexposure to internet has made people smart about sex, the reality is contrary. “People are entering marriage with a pressure to perform. Fed early on porn videos, they feel that aggressive sex which lasts for at least half-an-hour is normal. Similarly, women fear aggressive sex and many just avoid it fearing pain. With expectations rising, the most normal, instinctive act of intercourse has got complicated for many”, says Dr Bhachech.
 Dr Bhachech cites instance of a couple that consulted him recently. The couple was married for a year but wife complained extreme pain on attempts to intercourse which would end in her pushing the husband away. “The wife had developed vaginusmus where her vaginal muscles would go into a spasm when the moment of intercourse arose. In-depth analysis revealed that she had watched porn clips and got scared of the aggression shown during sex in the clips”.
Vadodara-based sexologist Dr Vivek Jain has studied four couples who consulted him for unconsummated marriage. “It is a weird case of hype-sexual disorder. The couples are highly educated, have married out of love, care for each other but the husband just does not get the desire to have penetrative sex. Their medical reports are normal and need no medication”. TIGHT SITUATION 
Many couples request doctors to perform IVF so that they have a child. This is to relieve the pressure built up by the families who do not know that the couple has not been able to consummate their marriage
Some women undergo dilatation therapy to get over vaginusmus and give their nod for surgery, not acknowledging that vaginusmus has a strong link with the mind
Doctors say that there are couples who have pulled on with their marriages for years and sought help only when their relation heads for a divorce

Touch therapy may end bed fear of newlyweds

Don’t See Orgasm As The Sole Aim Of Sex, Say Doctors

Radha Sharma | TNN

Ahmedabad: When touch did not work for newlyweds Piya and Hitarth, the couple went for touch therapy wherein the focus should be to touch and experience each other without focusing on intercourse and orgasm!
The couple sought treatment for Un-Consummated Marriage (UCM) after Hitarth reported failure to perform in the bed.

Experts say that touch therapy or ‘Sensate Focus’ is a key therapy devised by Masters and Johnson for couples with UCM. It aims at increasing personal and interpersonal awareness of self and the other’s needs. Each participant is encouraged to focus on their own varied sense experience, rather than to see orgasm as the sole goal of sex.
“Sensate focus is a term usually associated with a set of specific sexual exercises for couples or for individuals. Majority patients respond to this in the third week of therapy as the anxiety to perform reduces,” says Dr Paras Shah.
 Dr Hansal Bhachech says, “As the man reports increasing awareness and attention paid to these holistic sense aspects of sex, potency often returns. This works well for women too. Women report more sensation in their vagina, and lubrication.”
Experts say that the basic modules to treat UCM include giving couples correct information about sexual intercourse and removing the anxiety associated with performance.
“There are specific communities even locally where the tradition of showing blood-stained bed-sheet to relatives after the first night of marriage still exists in this days and generation. This practice puts a lot of pressure on the couples to perform, leading many to become victims of anxiety,” said Dr Shah.
According to the experts, many couples are misguided about the techniques and positions.
They are shown audio-visual slides to remove their misconceptions about the sexual life. This helps in putting things in the correct perspective, say experts.

 
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Posted by on January 7, 2014 in Interviews

 

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Aside

Do not eat too much fast food. Fast foods are high in calories, fat, sugar and salt and may put people at risk for becoming overweight.

I’m sure, you will be thinking that what’s new in this? we all know this! New is, this is what recently McDonalds, the most leading fast food chain in the world today, has advised to his staff!! Indirectly company says make other people eat our fast food and do business for us but you stay away eating it.

One of my friend, working in Subway (Canada), has told me that she would not eat subway because even though company claims that they are baking their own bread, floor which they use is a frozen one!

There are many such hidden facts about food chains. If you are intelligent enough then this should renew your thinking about having fast food, frequently. I do not want to spoil your eating out saying you should not eat fast foods but you have to develop sensible approach, as it is delicious too 🙂

Ref. Link http://www.foxnews.com/health/2013/12/24/mcdonalds-employee-site-advises-workers-to-avoid-eating-fast-food/

Do not eat too much fast food… Look who is advising this?! and to whom?!!

 
3 Comments

Posted by on January 6, 2014 in English Articles

 

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