Excerpts of Interview on Deceptive affection….
Why do people indulge in affectionate behavior when their heart is not in it?
Men will indulge in such behaviour mainly for sex as no woman except commercial sex worker will allow them to have a sex without showing an affection. Women will show such affectionate behaviour to get emotional support and various favours. Sometimes they just want to keep man stimulated and in the relationship for reasons. For married couple there are reasons like emotional insecurities, to fake the bond because of family and society, to convince each-other of an affection that they may be actually lacking etc.
Do you feel that modern relationships have created “deceptive affection”?
Deceptive affection was always there but now because of technology, freedom and openness in expression, acceptance of such behaviour, increasing PDA etc. it has become more evident.
Do married couples indulge in deceptive affection more often than unmarried ones?
Yes, because they need such deception to keep a spark in their married life. Over a period of time, most of couples will loose attraction and feel bored, insecure, unwanted or being taken for granted. To fight these feelings they need to fake an affection; which is, in fact, a part of psychological defence called ‘Reaction formation’ where person behaves exactly opposite to what s/he feels within.
Why do you think deceptive affection might actually help maintain a relationship?
Deception is always more soothing than painful reality. People like affection or being loved even though it is fake (remember that song ‘pal bhar ke liye koi hume pyar karle, zutha hi sahi’ !) So, it is always helpful in maintaining the relationship.