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Monthly Archives: March 2013

Happiness is a delicate balance of what one wants and of what one has!

Happiness is a delicate balance of what one wants and of what one has!

                                                        (My writeup appeared in Ahmadabad Mirror)

Happiness is a delicate balance of what one wants and of what one has. You need to learn to strike this balance.  It may be quite a difficult task but it’s not impossible, provided you are keen on learning this balance and hold the power of your happiness in your own. As a psychiatrist these are the few things, I believe, is necessary for an individual to be happy.

  • DECIDE TO BE HAPPY: happiness is a mental state; you need to conceive the idea of happiness in your mind before you decide to be happy. To be happy is something that you need to develop from within; it cannot be supplied by any external mean. In every situation this decision will bring you across two choices, making a right choice will lead you towards happiness.
  • DO NOT FORGET THAT MAN IS A SOCIAL BEING: we live in a society not because we choose to but because we need to. Being social or to connect with other human being is very necessary for us, these connections give us many positive frames like security, worthiness, togetherness etc. which ultimately leads us to feeling of happiness. But unfortunately our connections have become virtual to friends, family or loved ones. Reading a text saying ‘LOL’ is nothing compared to that of listening to your loved ones laughter and seeing the sparkle in their eyes. which would bring you inner happiness. If you are prone to chatting then video chatting is better than texting.
  • KEEP POSITIVTE PEOPLE AROUND: the company that you keep always affects your mind frame, especially your moods and feelings of happiness as both the things are infectious. If you are surrounded by happy people then their positive vibrations are bound to bring some affirmative change in your mood. Hence, always hold on to such individuals in your life who are full of life, are optimistic and vibrant. You also need to spread this same happiness around yourself to keep it flowing.
  • ACCEPT THINGS THAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE: people keep complaining or being unhappy about things that are out of their control. Things like scorching heat of summer or constantly lingering on things that you may not be able to afford.  Now instead of complaining and becoming unhappy about such things it is better to accept it and be peaceful. The best way to deal with such things is by learning to enjoy the current state.
  • REMEMBER EXPECTATIONS KILLS: expectations are called roots of unhappiness. But actually the problem lies in various aspects. i.e expectation from wrong people, about wrong thing and at wrong time brings disappointment and unhappiness. Hence keep a check on expectations as expectations kill slowly but surely.
  • LEARN TO LET GO: you need to be forgiving to self and others. It is not very healthy to sweat on small stuff as it brings stagnancy to your mind and life. Instead it is always better to move on by forgiving but not forgetting the lesson you learnt.
  • FIGHT NEGATIVE EMOTIONS: you need to maintain your emotional health also. Emotions have its own impact on your happiness so always watch them, check where they flow, how and with what intensity because it has the potential to generate pain, regret, guilt and many such negative emotions which could be the one of the cause of your unhappiness.
  •  YOU NEED TO STAY HEALTHY: if you want to be happy; you need to be healthy physically and mentally. No ill person has been found to be happy. So you need to constantly keep a watch on your life style. Avoid addictions to substance like alcohol, drugs as well as gambling or any such impulsive activities.
  • REGULAR EXERCISES ARE MUST: exercise is necessary for a healthy routine and to be happy. Recently researches prove that ‘Being Happy’ is a biochemical state of body.  Exercise produces endorphins in your body which is one of the happy chemicals.  To do so you need to eat right, exercise regularly.
  • HAVE A FAITH AND HOPE: unhappiness comes when one looses two most important virtues of life i.e.  Faith and hope. You need to believe in yourself and god in all the rough patches of life. These will give you internal strength and it will keep you going.

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Posted by on March 28, 2013 in English Articles

 

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Keeping GITA on work desk doesn’t help, keeping it in your heart does!

Keeping GITA on work desk doesn’t help, keeping it in your heart does!

Today, while reading newspaper, I came across the news that IT commissioner, who caught taking his routine bribe, was keeping holy ‘GITA’ on the desk! This reminded me of smuggler Haji Mastan, who always used to wear white dress! This is a very common defense mechanism our psyche adopt, is called ‘Reaction Formation’. (Reaction formation reduces anxiety by taking up the opposite feeling, impulse or behavior. An example of reaction formation would be treating someone you strongly dislike in an excessively friendly manner in order to hide your true feelings. Why do people behave this way? According to Freud, they are using reaction formation as a defense mechanism to hide their true feelings by behaving in the exact opposite manner.)

One has to realize that keeping GITA(or any other holy book, any good book for that matter) on work desk neither make you good human being nor guide you to uplift your soul but keeping it in your heart guarantee you both. Similarly knowing about God doesn’t help, knowing God does!!

Happy Dhluleti !!

 
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Posted by on March 27, 2013 in English Articles

 

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An eyeful a day keeps the doctor away !!

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Bura na mano Holi hai !!!

Holi-Dhuleti has typical significance, that most of magazines and newspapers will publish humorous articles. Following the trend, I’m also posting one interesting research finding, you may take its conclusion seriously or just laugh it out, that’s up to you!

Last week, when I was browsing through web, I came across one interesting and funny research. I enjoyed reading conclusions and that reminded me a quote ‘men cannot look in women’s eyes in first instance, as women do not have eyes on their breasts!!’ If this statement has raised sufficient interest in this post then go ahead and read the research which you will enjoy 🙂

I’m not sure that is this a reason why western males live longer than Indian males?! 😛

BTW happy holi!!

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An eyeful a day keeps the doctor away

An eyeful a day keeps the doctor away

JONATHAN HAYTER
STARING at women’s breasts is good for men’s health and makes them live longer, a new survey reveals.

Researchers have discovered that a 10-minute ogle at women’s breasts is as healthy as half-an-hour in the gym.

A five-year study of 200 men found that those who enjoyed a longing look at busty beauties had lower blood pressure, less heart disease and slower pulse rates compared to those who did not get their daily eyeful.

Dr Karen Weatherby, who carried out the German study, wrote in the New England Journal of Medicine: “Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well endowed female is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobic workout.

“Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation.

“There is no question that gazing at breasts makes men healthier.

“Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of a stroke and heart attack in half.

“We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years.”

She added that sexy stars like Dolly Parton, Heather Locklear, Anna Nicole Smith and Demi Moore had proved to be especially good for the men’s health.

 
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Posted by on March 26, 2013 in English Articles

 

Interview in Gulf News (Most popular Newspaper of UAE)

This interview was appeared in Gulf News(most popular newspaper of UAE) on 18th March 2013.

This is about Predictions and performance of the market. I’m posting excerpts of the interview.

Have you ever thought that what could be the interrelation between Predictions, Market movement and Investor’s psyche? Read on this interview of renown psychiatrist from India, he shows a curious connection between them.

1. In your opinion, what kind of mindset could possibly drive people (Indian or Chinese) to follow astrological predictions while making crucial monetary decisions (even if it means losing money)?

Majority of people associate money to fortune, very few really believe that it’s a product of hard work. As a result, most of the people depend on the luck for their scope of becoming wealthy and there by on astrological predictions! Such predictions raise hope, give them confidence and they tend to follow them despite of risks involved.

2. Or would you say that there is not much difference between astrological predictions and an analyst’s predictions when it comes to the stock market?

Market is controlled more by sentiments of investors than fundamentals. Any market analyst has to keep this bitter fact in the mind and the fact has its own place in his analysis. Moreover, in this world of commercial gimmicks its hard to believe that analyst’s predictions are genuine and not manipulative. As a result, there is not much to choose between astrological predictions and analyst’s predictions, sad but true.

3. In your opinion, is it possible that investors believing in astrology can actually make a difference to stock movement? (I know this is not exactly in the realm of psychology.)

If astrological predictions are made for an investor then it can affect his portfolio only. For example,  if an investor is told that according to astrology; he can be benefited by investment in oil sector then  his portfolio may be dominated by investment in that sector. But it will not affect stock movement of oil sector unless huge amount of transaction takes place.
However, if prediction is made for particular company or a sector( possibilities of such predictions are less) then stock movement may get influenced. Mostly stock movements are influenced more by analyst’s predictions than astrological predictions.

4. Is there any danger to a person’s wellbeing if they conduct their professional lives and take financial decisions based on seemingly irrational practices like astrology?

Yes, it’s like gambling with blind cards that may give you a thrill with associated dangers! You are at the mercy of possibilities which can swing on either side. Investor’s mood is also likely to swing with his loss or profit. Such type of uncertainties always keep you anxious, worried and excited. This can be really dangerous for mental and physical well being of a person. He may end up developing Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Stress, Insomnia, Hyper acidity, High blood pressure and many psychosomatic disorders.

gulf news article

Gulf News_150x150_p1

 
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Posted by on March 21, 2013 in English Articles

 

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Excerpts of Interview on Deceptive affection….

Excerpts of Interview on Deceptive affection….

Why do people indulge in affectionate behavior when their heart is not in it?
Men will indulge in such behaviour mainly for sex as no woman except commercial sex worker will allow them to have a sex without showing an affection. Women will show such affectionate behaviour to get emotional support and various favours. Sometimes they just want to keep man stimulated and in the relationship for reasons. For married couple there are reasons like emotional insecurities, to fake the bond because of family and society, to convince each-other of an affection that they may be actually lacking etc.

Do you feel that modern relationships have created “deceptive affection”?

Deceptive affection was always there but now because of technology, freedom and openness in expression, acceptance of such behaviour, increasing PDA etc. it has become more evident.

Do married couples indulge in deceptive affection more often than unmarried ones?

Yes, because they need such deception to keep a spark in their married life. Over a period of time, most of couples will loose attraction and feel bored, insecure, unwanted or being taken for granted. To fight these feelings they need to fake an affection; which is, in fact, a part of psychological defence called ‘Reaction formation’ where person behaves exactly opposite to what s/he feels within.

Why do you think deceptive affection might actually help maintain a relationship?

Deception is always more soothing than painful reality. People like affection or being loved even though it is fake (remember that song ‘pal bhar ke liye koi hume pyar karle, zutha hi sahi’ !) So, it is always helpful in maintaining the relationship.

 
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Posted by on March 20, 2013 in English Articles

 

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Interview appeared in Mumbai Mirror on March 12th 2013 and Ahmadabad Mirror on March 13th 2013

My Interview In Mirror

appeared in Mumbai Mirror on March 12th 2013 and Ahmadabad Mirror on March 13th 2013

The hug that lies

Study says most lovers hug & kiss even when they don’t mean it. Mirror cracks the code of deceptive affection……Teja Lele Desai mirrorfeedback@timesgroup.com

She doesn’t want to hug her boyfriend but does it anyway. He tells the lover he loves her so she’ll get off the phone. She doesn’t like his haircut, but gives it the thumbs-up anyway. A recent study reveals the curious case of couples exhibiting deceptive affectionate behaviour to mask their true feelings. According to Understanding the Routine Expression of Deceptive Affection in Romantic Relationships, individuals in romantic relationships often express affection they don’t actually feel for “face saving, conflict management/avoidance, and emotion management”.
The study, conducted by relational communication expert Sean Horan, an assistant professor at DePaul University in the College of Communication, with Melanie Booth-Butterfield, a professor at West Virginia University, found that non-married individuals express deceptive affection about three times a week to their romantic partners.
So, why do lovers handhold, kiss and cuddle when they’d rather bite their partner’s head off?
Horan says face saving is the most frequently cited motive. “It could be either to save one’s own face or the partner’s. For the self, respondents gave reasons such as masking potentially embarrassing or vulnerable feelings. For example, ‘so that he didn’t realize how sad or upset I was feeling’. The other chief reason involved situations where respondents sought to improve their partner’s moods or avoid hurting them,” he says over email.
Conflict management or avoidance is the third key function of deceptive love. This could involve an individual who wants to stop or avoid an argument, or to settle a problem/fight, Horan explains. A fourth theme, emotion management, involves affectionate deception communicated out of habit or routine. “Individuals do this to avoid hurt, and ease negative emotions,” Horan adds.
IS IT NECESSARY?
Clearly, the matrix of modern romantic relationships isn’t easy to navigate. Rules and narrow certainties are in the past; the present is all about an amoebic, open-ended approach. Can 21st century love not survive without necessary deception?
Consultant psychiatrist Dr Hansal Bhachech believes it’s not a new phenomenon, but what’s made it in-your-face is the spread of technology, freedom and openness of expression and increasing PDA.
Horan agrees. “As people, we think that deception is bad and that we rarely engage in it; in reality, studies repeatedly document that we lie all the time. In fact, we lie the most to the people we are closest to. We may avoid honesty since it could hurt a loved one’s feelings, jeopardise our relationship or hurt us.”
WHEN IS IT REAL?
In an age when fake it-till-you-make-it seems to be the order of the day, how does one tell the real thing apart? Was that “I love you” or kiss on the forehead genuine or an act to ward off conflict?
Horan says, “Many people think they are skilled at detecting deception but studies repeatedly show we aren’t. Also, people think they can tell when their romantic partners are lying to them. That said, we suffer from a ‘truth bias’, which means that the closer we are to someone the less likely we are to suspect deception.”
Also, people tend to believe that a lie is not a lie if it is selfless or altruistic. But is a lie ever that?
Although Horan’s study focused on unmarried couples, Dr Bhachech says the married are no different. In fact, they turn to deception more often. “Over a period of time, most couples lose the romance and attraction. A sense of boredom sets in, sometimes accompanied by feelings of being taken for granted. The humdrum of daily life brings with it a psychological defence called ‘reaction formation’ where a person behaves exactly the opposite of what s/he feels,” he says.
Horan and Booth-Butterfield’s 2010 study, Is It worth Lying For? Physiological and Emotional Implications of Recalling Deceptive Affection, revealed that individuals using deceptive affection are minimally bothered by their lies. Using affection to lie appears to be normal in romantic relationships; most couples seem to know the truth about deception and don’t mind.
Ravin Thakkar, 34, a recently engaged banker from Bengaluru, says lying “once in a while” is fine and helps him “keep the peace” in his relationship. “I may not really be feeling it, but I often feign affection and warmth to ensure that we don’t end up in a no-holds-barred battle,” he says.
But weren’t we always told that honesty is the bedrock of a relationship? The study indicates that deception isn’t always bad and deceptive affectionate messages may actually help maintain a relationship.
“The motives and feelings of why people communicate deception reveal that they use it as maintenance behaviour. They communicate it, mostly, when experiencing negative feelings. Instead of being honest and expressing the negativity, they choose to express a positive message in the form of affection. They are doing so to avoid negative outcomes and, essentially, maintain their current relational state,” Horan says.
IT’S ABOUT CARING
It may come across as twisted logic but Dr Samir Parikh, director, Department of Mental Health and Behavioral Sciences, Fortis Healthcare, feels that indulging in affectionate behaviour when the heart is not in it, shows that “heart is still there”! “We are human and cannot display attention 24/7. In modern times, when relationships face stress on multiple levels, such gestures help maintain the bond. It amounts to care,” he explains. That said, experts warn against outright lies — they can be relationship killers.
“Everyone likes affection,” says Dr Bhachech, “even if it is fake — like that song — Pal bhar ke liye koi humein pyar karle, jhootha hi sahi! No wonder, such gestures help maintain relationships.”
Clearly, the study validates what Adam and Eve learnt after they were banished from Heaven and came down to Earth: Romance is fine, but a dose of compromise is essential to keep couples together. “At times, love means saying or doing something you don’t really want to, but do it because it will make the other happy. What’s wrong with that?” asks 36-year-old freelance writer Aditi Behl.
Now, the next time she asks “Have I put on weight?”, you know what to say.

DON’T OVERDO IT
Relationships are not built on truth alone. Lying to the One You Love: The Use of Deception in Romantic Relationships, a study by Tim Cole of DePaul University, reveals 92% respondents admit having lied to a romantic partner. The motives varied from the desire to avoid punishment, individuals’ attachment beliefs and reciprocal exchange of information. The study concludes that while some deception may be functional, extensive use indicates overall relational distress.
mumbai mirror march 12
 
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Posted by on March 13, 2013 in English Articles

 

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Video

Dr.Hansal Bhachech’s talk on VTV

Dr.Hansal Bhachech responds to viewers phone calls and talks about various mental illnesses.

 
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Posted by on March 8, 2013 in Audio-Video Posts

 

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